And then I see this quote right after my last post...

May today there be peace within . May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be . May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith . May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you . May you be content knowing you are a child of God . Let His presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us."

Life

If you want to know the plan for your life...then you don't want life.

I read that in Conversations with God and I keep trying to remind myself this. It doesn't make sense to me why when I just start to get everything figured out things get complicated all over again...

Tonight we are going to our annual "hot dog" stand for dinner. It's cheap and delicious but, my body suffers the next day.

Tomorrow I think we are going to go to the waterfalls outside of Suva and Saturday heading to the beach. Sunday is Easter and Monday I think I will just relax. Tuesday I will be heading on my Spring Break trip because we don't have school this upcoming week. It will be really nice to get away and enjoy the simple side of Fiji. Suva is so fast paced and I need a little break from the city!

I sometimes get frustrated with myself. Well a lot. Lately I have had all these thoughts and then I think way too much. I am about to go for my first run in a long time. When I first got here I ran a ton and then after about two weeks I was tired of waking up at 5am to run in the slightly less cool weather. The weather here although nice is still overcast. I am ready for some sun.

I talked to my mom today and told her to sign me up for the Twin cities marathon. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I want to do it though and I am committing myself to train. I already thought of what I want to wear during the race. So creepy I know. but I wanna wear some shirt with "Every step for GOD" or something like that on it. I think I will have to iron it on.

I think to much, I am really complicated, I learn stuff everyday, I grow, I change but, I know that no matter how much I want to know my future and what it holds I need to let it fall into place. I would like to think I have grown up a lot but, I still know I have so much to learn. I have been through a lot more then most people my age but, It's all for good reason and it's helped shape who I am.

They saw humans will try to avoid pain and do things that are pleasurable. I think sometimes pain is inevitable and as much as we try to fight it at sometimes in our life we will experience vast amounts of it..some more then others. Some much earlier then others. I hate thinking of hurting, being sad, mad, frustrated.

Things seem brighter in Fiji. Life is so laid back. I love it. I love the people. I wish I had money to help the homeless people here and for myself to live here. I wish I could bring everyone to Fiji to experience the culture. Cause I am loving every little piece of it.

There are times when I miss home. You really can't explain the feeling of studying abroad unless you have done it. It makes you appreciate so much more and it's a very eye opening thing. I am super Independent and I love that I am. It's been 2 months today and I have about 2 1/2 months left to go. Sometimes I think about it and I am like only 2 months till I get home. BUT I am starting to change this way of thinking like I have 2 more months here to enjoy life and live it out to the fullest. I don't know the next time I will be in Fiji and if it's not for awhile my heart will always be here no matter how far away I am.

Being inspired.

I think sometimes God works through other people in our lives...big time.
I was reading my friend Alyssa's blog and it was super inspiring. I just realize (which I do from time to time) that I need to put God in the center of my life. NOT just a part of it. Even in Fiji. I want him to be the core. I want to be on fire for him and talk, think, breathe God...considering he is the one reason I am alive and breathing. So here I am. Basically announcing to myself that I am going to keep him the center, core, numero uno of my life. I have seen God do amazing things in my life and in Fiji and I just really want to live for him. Not just live because what kind of life would that be?
So some of my goals (because Alyssa inspired me so much) these are not in order of importance.
1. Start taking my marathon training seriously (I am running twin cities in October)
2. Start journaling regularly.
3.Live my life for God. ALL THE TIME and WITH EVERYTHING.
4.When I run realize and be thankful that the only reason I am where I am is because of God as well as use this as a reflection time to God.
5. Love everyone.

I just listened to Christian music that I listened to back home and it made me think of who I want to be and reminded me of something much greater, bigger, and unfathomably better then myself...God.

The children

Since I have been here I have been volunteering a bit in the kindergarten on campus and have learned some interesting things I thought I could blog about. The kindergarten consists of about fifty children and about two certified teachers. I am not sure if the children really learn much because they run around everywhere like crazy children! I learned back in the United States that children learn by interacting and by play. I think here they really emphasize that too. I felt for the teachers who looked a little stressed but, again the way of life here is so relaxed and calm. They teachers kept a VERY calm collected composure and the children respond to that. I also learned that the first born child can be taken by the husbands parents and they can raise them. This was really interesting to me because I wouldn't want my child to be raised without me but, it's just the culture here and it's very different!

I have been thinking. I can't remember if I talked about what I miss back home. I don't miss anything materialistic at all. I miss milk. I miss people. Country music. I also miss watching American sports on TV. I would like to add that today is opening day for THE CUBBIES!! I realize how much I wish home to see them play. Although I miss these things I have to admit that it's nothing compared to living here in Fiji. Fiji has been the best experience I could have ever asked for. It has been life changing and it's just about half begun. I am striving to be the best person that I can be for me and for God. I am trying to work on being patience (cause boy do you need it here) haha.

This next week we have school off and we are heading to the Northern Island of Fiji. Called Taveuni. I think Bryan and I are going to Savu Savu first and then meeting up with our group in Taveuni on Thursday. I am really excited to get out of the city and be on the beach again.

Lift up your eyes and don't stand still!

So I have been thinking is it really possible for someone to change their view of the world completely in 8 weeks? I think so.

The weather here has changed a bit. It's now Fiji winter. If you can even call it that! It is about 75 today and breezy. Nice change from the 100 degree sweat- every- ounce -of -water -out -of -your body... heat. It still doesn't even feel like I am in school. Everything is so laid back until the tests and then your expected to regurgitate every piece of information the professors have given. Although I know I will do fine motivation is low since our grades don't transfer back home and all we need is C's to get the credit. I guess I am here for more of the cultural experience which of course I am getting.

I have become quite the listener of David Barnes. His music is pretty amazing so if you get the chance have a listen. Life in Fiji continues to be challenging and such a growing experience. Everyday I wake up and I am the minority. I asked for this. I wanted it. But, It doesn't change the fact that it sometimes is disheartening. Last night our taxi driver tried telling me that the ride from downtown to the dorms was $6.50. Every other ride was about $2.00 I proceeded to tell him that was ridiculous and that he can't do that. He tried not letting me get out of the taxi but, I jumped out. I was mad at first and then I couldn't help but laugh. I only gave him $4.00 which still is much more then it should have been. The point of this story is that everyday (because of my skin color) I am put to the test. I am stared at because I look so different then everyone here.

The last two weekends we have stayed in Suva. Suva is the city we are living in. It is definitely a city. Suva is the capital of Fiji! Although I love the island traveling Suva has become somewhat of a home to me. It even has a McDonalds,Pizza hut, and KFC! All so healthy... Yesterday I was in town with a friend of mine I met named Mike. He showed me a busy city street. I felt at home because for the first time I didn't get harassed. Mike and I decided two days a week or so, we want to pick a spot in the city and just hang out. There is a beautiful park in the middle of the city. I have to try to convince him to bring his guitar! It makes me feel like a local...almost :)
Our Spring Break is coming up in a week! We are going to the other main island of Fiji called Taveuni. I am so excited it's supposed to be beautiful. And of course I will be ready to get nice and tan again as well as get out of the city. I am not much of a city girl at all!

I have also made a commitment to myself that I am going to read the bible here day and night. I know I won't be able to every time but, I want to continue to grow closer to God and get to know him as best as I can. Being in Fiji shouldn't stop me from continuing the walk with the big man upstairs.

On a last note. The mange dogs here have gotten out of control. The dogs here which I call "Fiji dogs" are crazy. They are like a pack of wolves and roam the streets looking for trouble. They mostly leave us humans alone but, still when I turn a corner and literally twenty dogs are in a pack I can't help but want to run as fast as I can in the other direction! They are mixed muts and some have chunks of face missing from dog fights. Sometimes I feel sorry for them but, they smell like a rotting carpus. They remind me of the dogs in Mexico.

That's all for now. I am finding this blog is much easier then my two paper journals but, in twenty years I won't be able to look back on this. Just another thing to add to the list of things to do to keep up my other journals.

This is long overdue!

I debated a long time whether or not I would start a blog. My reasoning behind my debate was that I felt like a blog was like an e-journal if you will. What I mean by this is that it is supposed to be shared information about my trip yet, I need to give it this personal touch but not cross the line of letting people into my deepest thoughts. I have come to the conclusion that I do need to do an online blog to stay connected with friends and family back home. I do have a journal here…actually two of them but, I can’t share those with people back home. So here it goes. The beginning of my online journal a balance I will try to keep.

Fiji for me so far has been quite the experience. It’s been eye opening and it’s hard to explain this feeling to anyone back home. Upon arrival in the airport I knew no one in my study abroad group. I didn’t know what to expect. I was scared. I stepped off the plane holding my breath. Wondering if I was out of my mind doing this…being so far away, on this journey, a journey of what I didn’t know what was then. I have moved around my whole life so I love change in small doses (I almost need it now and then) but this was different. Why was I here? What did God want from me? What was his plan? I was out of my comfort zone but, I was confident that I would figure all this out.

It didn’t feel real (and sometimes now it still doesn’t) that I am here. Its paradise here simply put. No words describe what it feels like to sit on the most beautiful beach watching the waves roll in and closing my eyes to feel the wind on my face. No words describe lying on a hammock watching the stars, driving through volcanic pieces of land, meeting locals who are the most beautiful people inside and out, sitting at a kava ceremony closing my eyes listening to twenty Fijian people sing and play guitar. It’s food for the soul. It’s eye opening. It makes me want to never come home. The people here live with so little yet are so rich in love for one another. Don’t get me wrong it’s been frustrating at times. The Fijian way of life is slow, laid back, and what we would call complicated almost. If you want to get something done you better put aside more than an hour more like days or weeks. It took me a long time to appreciate their simplicity. Something simple such as printing paper can be quite complicated. You have to go five different places and talk to ten different people but, that’s the beauty of it. It’s different but it’s exactly what I needed.

I needed to know that there should be no rush to life. No rush to having the “American Dream” I no longer want. I don’t want the rush of work, marriage, family. I want to be me, love myself, and live my life and then figure all that out later. I don’t feel like my heart is in the United States anymore. It’s a bold statement but it’s true. I want to help people and help kids who have no family. I want to look back on my life and know I made a difference. I want to see something through. Isn’t that what life is all about… loving others? Then I think maybe the United States is not for me right now. I know I am going to have to come home to finish school but, after that my options are limitless being a teacher. I could teach abroad or I could join the Peace Corp. Then maybe I will feel like home is the States after a stint abroad. I think I have always known that I would do something unique in my life. I knew I was meant to get out and finally I am realizing it even though it scares me.

The first 2 weeks here were mostly a vacation. We got off the plane and gathered ourselves. We met our coordinator Kris. He is an amazing man with a heart that I want. He loves God so much, loves his family, and works hard. He is American along with his brother Kyle and Sister Katie who also help us out with transition into Fiji. They are all in their late twenties and have lived in Fiji all their lives. Their parents were stationed in Fiji with the Peace Corp. They have helped us and made us feel at home. I could talk on and on about our travels the first two weeks but, I will highlight some to catch everyone up on my life. Sorry this took so long to do! I stayed at “Beach Cocomo” drank my first Kava there, ate a lovo which is a meal cooked in the ground. Here I saw my first sea cucumber, blue starfish, and swam with baby sharks in the ocean. I sat and watched my first Fijian sunset along the ocean. At beach Cocomo I learned how ignorant we, as Americans, can be. I learned the Fijian way of life is “Live each day today and don’t worry about tomorrow.” From here we took the infamous blue van (which looks like the van from little miss sunshine) with all ten of us to Pacific Harbor “The adventure capital of Fiji.” We met Kris’s family and wife upon arrival at Villa 18. This was what you could call the real world- Fiji style. We had this American style house and pool in the backyard. This is where I learned a lot about each person in the group.

Although each of us were so different I would later learn that we all are connected with our past as well as why we are here. One of my highlights was walking home in the pouring (warm) rain with some members of our group. We were laughing and enjoying life to the fullest in that twenty minute walk home. At that moment is when I felt like I could finally start blowing out that air I was holding in from when I stepped off the plane. When we got back we all jumped in the pool as it was still pouring rain. We experienced our “Fijian limo!” This was a truck with a shelter over the top and ten white kids sitting in the back!! We took this into town and did our motorized canoe, bamboo raft, waterfalls, and Fijian village tour. Although a bit touristy we helped out a village by visiting. The boys of the village sang and danced with us, we ate, and got to boat through what looked like Jurassic Park. I jumped off a sweet ledge at the waterfall! I continually comment in my journal how I feel like I am meant to be here and I know God has a plan for me.

Next, was our village stay. We are talking about a REAL village with hardly any electricity and little running water. Pigs, chickens, and dogs ran around everywhere. The houses were built by hand and this is how many Fijians live. We stayed three days and two nights. My host moms name was Mela with a husband and four kids. I learned how to wash my own clothes, interacted with the family, and drank kava! For those of you that don’t know Kava is a ceremonial drink here in Fiji. It tastes a bit like dirty water and comes from the Kava root. You sit in a circle and say “BULA” clap your hands once, drink it and then clap three times. I got to visit the village plantation wearing no shoes and mud past my ankles! It is where they grow many of their crops. The main eating hall was where we met for breakfast, lunch, dinner and finish with kava. The guests eat first, and then women and the men take home leftovers. We layed out a blanket and ate picnic style. Before dinner each night was a church service conducted in Fijian by my host mother. My host father worked so much that he was hardly at home. He worked to put the four kids through school. We also went to the sand dunes where I learned to surf and hung out at the beach all day. We took a village tour to the schools and the pre-school children sang to us! Made my mental note to help out at a school when I got to Suva (where I am studying)

After our village we went to the Uprising Resort. The most beautiful resort I have seen yet. The girls stayed in a “bure” which is a hut with a thatched palm tree roof. It was so amazing. We had a shower underneath the stars outside! The first day here we swam and enjoyed the resort. Day two we went with Kyle into Suva to check out the city where we would be schooling. On day three we were relaxing and a young man asked if we wanted to swim, snorkel, jet ski, and have lunch for FREE on this island!!!! I was wondering what the catch was so I asked him and he said the resort was making a new brochure and he wanted us in it. So we got to take a boat out to this island, eat lunch, snorkel, and Jet Ski all for free. We were constantly photographed which was fun too. It was the most beautiful aqua blue water I have seen. After our three days we moved into the dorms at Suva.

We started school five weeks ago and so far it’s been relaxed and very laid back…just like everything else here. We have been to “The Beach House” where I went horseback ride along the beach, snorkeled and enjoyed my life. I have been to Momi bay at a backpacker resort. Where we randomly hitchhiked and took about 4 buses and a million taxi’s later. We visited the 7^th “sexiest” beach in the world. I got to finally spend some time on the beach just praying about why I am here. I jumped off a huge bridge. We visited our coordinators at their houses which are along the beach. I went to a remote island called Nananu- I- ra where we later found out it was called “Mosquito Island.. yet it was breathtaking”

I have visited markets. I have met countless people who are traveling the world. I have met people from the Peace Corp. I have ridden on countless city buses that have no windows and play loud music! I have seen the most beautiful beaches. I have met the most amazing people. Experienced the Fijian culture. Grown closer to God by seeing his beautiful creation. I have been frustrated, missed my family and people back home, but through it all I have begun to discover who I am and what I want to be. I have some amazing stories to tell people when I get home. This blog hardly touches on anything. I have met people and had in depth discussions about life, religion, family, home. I know each person I have met is in my life for a reason. I have finally been able to let that air out I was holding. Lastly, which I have only briefly mentioned is God. He is really with me wherever I go. He has shown himself to me in more than many ways since I have been here and he is the one reason why I am who I am. So to end this blog all the thanks to the man upstairs.